Adventures in Parenting

"The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home."

I noticed this sign right away as I walked into Common Folk Kids at Crossroads Mall. What a lovely encouragement to moms! I thought to myself as I looked around and took in all of the adorable clothes and colorful toys of this fantastic store.

Every Thursday morning, Common Folk hosts a free craft in their store, and as I was determined to get out of the house today, I thought that this would be a fun activity for Lucy. We have never attended this event before, and I was hopeful that it was going to be such a thrill that it might even become a weekly outing for us!

We weren't there for a full minute before Lucy shouted out, "Mom! I am going pee!"

"No! Wait!" I begged her as I grabbed her hand to race to the public bathrooms. She was so distracted by all of the toys in the store that she definitely didn't feel the same urgency that I did to get to the bathroom. Her neck was completely turned around looking back as I pulled her down the hall of the mall. Max was in a cheap little umbrella stroller that I keep in my car, and it is nearly impossible to push it in a straight line while using only one hand to steer. The dumb wheels kept getting stuck sideways!

We made it to the bathroom, but Lucy's pants were already completely soaked. Ahhh, crap!

Should I just go home? No! We just got here!

Should I just leave her wet clothes on? No! It is so obvious that is is drenched in urine!

My best idea was that we'd walk to Old Navy and get her some new pants. The shirt that she was wearing was long enough to cover her bottom, so I took off her wet pants and princess panties, wrapped them in a paper towel and stuffed them in my purse.

Lucy was oddly comfortable walking through the mall in just her hot-pink boots and a shirt. I, on the other hand, was completely uncomfortable. My child is naked in public!

I chose some new pants as quickly as I could in Old Navy, but Lucy kept wandering off, NAKED, and I must have sounded like such a psycho mom as I said in my best I-mean-business voice, "LUCY! GET OVER HERE!" "LUCY! DO NOT LEAVE MY SIDE!" "LUCY!!!!" At one point I saw her reach up to touch a display, and her whole butt was exposed. "LUCY!" Maybe I should have just gone home!

I purchased her pants and put them on her, and I felt a sense of relief that we'd overcome that obstacle without too much trouble.

BUT THEN, I saw a familiar look on Max's face, and I didn't even have to check to know that he'd pooped.

Off to the bathroom again!

Back down the hall, Lucy could not keep her hands out of her pants! She kept scratching her butt, and I asked her repeatedly and as calmly as I could to "TAKE YOUR HAND OUT OF YOUR PANTS!"

"But mom, these new pants are scratching my booty."

Because she didn't have any undies on, the tag was scratching her skin. I tucked her shirt in to cover the tag, but she just kept on scratching anyway.

Just ignore it, Annie. Kids scratch their butts all the time.

As I'd suspected, Max pooped through his diaper and up his back. Perfect! Fortunately, I'd brought an extra outfit for him.

The bathroom had a handicap stall that had a changing table, and I was busy at work cleaning the bright orange poop off of Max's back while I could hear women coming in and out of the other stalls. Lucy was spinning in circles between the toilet and the stroller, asking, "Mom, what is that smell? Mom, it smells stinky. Mom, mom, why is it super stinky? Mom, what is so stinky?" Maybe I should have answered her the first time, but as I said, I was busy, up to my elbows in poop, so I finally snapped, "Lucy, it is poop and pee! It stinks in here because it is a bathroom!"

"Oh. Mom, can we go back to the toy store? Mom, my booty is still scratchy."

Deep breath.

We finally returned to Common Folk. I really wanted to vent to the craft-girl, "You won't believe what my last 20 minutes has been like!", but I resisted. Instead, we sat down, and Lucy did a craft, making a scarecrow out of a paper bag. She especially enjoyed using the glue stick.

On the way out the door, I noticed the sign again.

"The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home."

The first time I read it, as we entered the store, I paid particular attention to the words "most important work." Yes, a mother's job is quite important!

The second time, as we exited, my attention went to "within the walls of your own home." Why do I ever leave my house!?!?

We ate Coldstone ice cream for lunch (why not?) and then went straight back to the house, where a potty and a change of clothes is always close at hand, and a girl can roam around naked without giving her mama an anxiety attack!