Max is 11!

For Max, this quarantine is quite ideal. He doesn't really like to leave the house, ever, and though he goes to school without making a fuss, he certainly prefers to stay home. 

I was feeling bad that we couldn't celebrate Max's 11th birthday with a party or with friends, but Max wasn't too sad at all. We did bend the rules a little bit and allowed Brady to sleep over, so that was really fun for Max. He did not want a birthday parade or any video messages. He didn't want much of a fuss. He selected all of our meals- apple dutch baby for breakfast, avocado tacos for lunch, and mac 'n cheese 'n peas for dinner, with ice cream on top of hot chocolate chip cookies for dessert. 

Max is such a sweet and tender hearted boy. I love him to pieces, and I hope that his anxiety-ridden self heals and savors this time of being safe and home with the family. 

Catan with Brady and Devon

"Mom, don't take pictures!" Zoom call with his class

It is hard to see, but Max's teacher had a "Happy Birthday Max!" on the board behind her

Max and Liam write messages to each other during the Zoom call

Grandma Donna came by with a birthday card. We haven't seen her in weeks!

Video games in Joe's room. No one ever puts the toilet seat down. 

Max's teacher tried to sneak over with a card, but we caught her!

Nana & Papa brought by a card that was extended by a 6 ft pole!

Liam's family drove by with a gift. "Mom! I said I don't want a parade!" There is no parade- I promise!

Jaden brought over a birthday card. These two have been buds since kindergarten

Max's favorite dinner

Then we broke the rules some more when my parents stayed for a game...

His birthday wish probably was to be quarantined forever

Tutu & Coco

Quarantine

Like the rest of the world, we are currently following the directions to shelter-in-place as to avoid the rapid spread of the coronavirus.
Early in the month, I had heard that other places in the world were suffering from this virus, but I personally felt unaffected. Our calendar was getting quite full for the spring. I had written out all of Lucy's volleyball games, Cooper's baseball games and practices, Devon's softball games, substitute jobs for me, and a variety of appointments for the whole family.
Almost 3 weeks ago, James and Julianne were visiting us from San Diego before their move to Maryland, and we had all gone to the Bear River baseball team's season home opener. Joe and Jude were remembered there, and then we walked over to the Magnolia gym to watch Lucy's second volleyball game. Devon's softball season had already received word that their games would be delayed for three weeks due to the virus, which seemed strange, but within hours nearly everything else in our lives would be delayed/postponed/cancelled, including school. That was on Friday, March 13th, and ever since then, we've been home.
And then The Sleep Shop had to close their doors and Devon has applied for unemployment benefits.
Craziness!

I'd like to say that I've been relishing in the time that Devon and I have had at home with the kids. I mean, when else in our lives will we truly have no where to go and nothing to do except stay inside together? It's dreamy when I think of it that way. But the reality is that to me it feels like a loss of control, a halt of routine, and a whole lot of grief. Without my daily "to do" list, I don't seem to know how to cope with life and loss. I've had a couple of online appointments with my counselor, several Marco Polo chats with my friends, and many tears shared with Devon. I simply feel so sad.

It has been a little over two weeks at home now, and I am realizing that I need to see that I can control only what I can control and put some energy in creative outlets in order to help myself with my sorrow.

Joe would have liked the quarantine, I think. He liked being home, playing video games, snacking when he felt hungry, sleeping late into the afternoon. I don't know if Joe would have lived at home at 21 or not, but it's likely that he would have come home for this. We miss him.

I was so proud of Max and Grace!

Lucy was so excited to make the volleyball team! The team was able to play 2 games before the shut down. 

Lucy has been baking, and we've all been EATING!

Getting outside for a walk

Games everyday!

Outside for fresh air and to burn off some energy

13

Tomorrow is Lucy's 13th birthday, and tonight I'm feeling nostalgic about the night that I was laboring in the hospital, waiting to see my girl's little face. 

How quickly the years are passing. How I long to go back and hold her tiny hand, or put bows in her hair and dress her in sparkly skirts and leggings, or bring home toys that would make her smile. 

Life is different at 13. I don't really get to hold her hand (which isn't so tiny anymore), but she still needs me to do her hair, and the skirts and leggings have been replaced with high waisted jeans and hoodies, and the toys have all been packed away, but I can find new ways to make her smile. 

I remember that I bought a birthday card on Lucy's 1st birthday, with the intention of expressing all my love with words that she would read years later. That card sat empty blank for a long time. I just couldn't even attempt to put into words how I felt about this little lady and what it meant to me to be her mama. I finally wrote those very words in the card, something like, "I cannot put into words how much you are loved by me..." and I stored the card in her special box of keepsakes. Hmmm, my intentions were good but my end result was lacking. 

So maybe I can do better now, now that I have 13 years of butt-kicking motherhood under my belt.

Lucy, the day that you were born was truly the best day of my life. Meeting you was the fulfillment of my life's hopes and dreams. And there you were, with a round face and a dimpled chin, looking up at me, giving me the honor of being your mom. 

You are delightful and you always have been. You make people smile. You are optimistic (even though your humor is a bit on the dark side these days), you are encouraging, you are brave, you are sensitive, you are wise in your choices, and you are loving. You make me so proud. I love who you are and I love who you are becoming. 

I love hearing you sing, I love watching you dance, I love your silliness, I love your creativity, and I love your zest for life. 

In your lifetime, you have already experienced great loss, and yet you have not let it harden you. You inspire me with your hope. 

When we moved from Washington, I was so afraid to take you away from all that you'd ever known, but you were so resilient and you made new friends with ease.

You are a loved by your brothers, more than you will ever know.

And you are loved, deep down into your bones, by me and your dad. 

It truly is an honor that you call me mom. 

Happy birthday Lucy. I hope that 13 is all that you wish for and more. 

2020

Wow, I haven't written a blog post in a long time. I am out of practice. I'm not quite sure how to begin.
I miss this ol' blog. Whenever I look back on old posts, I feel so grateful for this record of our lives during those seasons, and I also feel sad that I didn't keep writing consistently once we moved to California. All of the funny things that Cooper has said and done the past six years; the many ways that Lucy and Max have grown and changed, and their participation in various activities; and Joe's years as a teenager, managing high school, a job, baseball, friends... I wish I'd blogged about all of it.
Sometimes I catch Devon reading blog posts to Cooper while they snuggle in Cooper's top bunk. It warms my heart.
So, here I am, not willing to let another year, this year, go by without some effort to chronicle our lives, the happy and the sad.

Tomorrow the kids go back to school, and Christmas break has felt long and lazy. We didn't travel at all or even leave the house much. Aaron, Molly, Clarke and Monty were visiting from Oregon, so we had a lot of time with them, and some of the kids' friends came over, but for the most part we were cozy at home.
Speaking of home, my house has taken a beating. Max got a hoverboard for Christmas, along with a go-cart attachment, and I foolishly allowed it to be used inside the house. The hoverboard itself didn't cause much damage, but the go-cart has left skid marks on my tile, some baseboards, and the closet door. While balancing on the hoverboard, Max steadied himself on a floating wall shelf, causing the shelf to rip out of the wall and crash on the tile along with the plants it was holding. So, that was a mess. My stainless steel refrigerator has 4 new dings, and our trash can has a sizable dent. I shrugged off all of this- because its a house, not a museum, right?- but once Max took a chunk out of the corner of a wall, I had to put a stop to our indoor motorway. But it was fun while it lasted.

Max quickly learned how to use the hoverboard 

Max gave rides to Clarke (and Monty too)

Clarke loves Maxy

Cooper turned 6 years old on Christmas day! He is such a good Christmas-birthday boy. He doesn't require any extra attention on an already chaotic day. In fact, we could barely get him to come to the table to let us sing Happy Birthday to him because was too busy playing with his cousins and all the new toys. His big gift this year was a Nintendo Switch, but he also received many Lego Ninjago sets and a new scooter. And now he has his first loose tooth!

Here are some more pics of the past couple weeks-

Christmas Eve

New pajamas for everyone!

fuzzy crocs... ???

Papa and Nana on Christmas

Grandma and Tutu

teenage Lu and Ellee

Charlotte was in Nutcracker attire all day

Max and Brady are getting so big

Charlotte did Molly's make-up, and she would lick the brush before application, which was hilarious!

Sweet Monty

I watched Clarke and Monty on Aaron's birthday while Molly and Aaron went out to lunch. Monty fell asleep on the floor surrounded by toys.

An intense game of Stratego between Coop and Dev

I worked out with Devon on New Years Day, and I was sore for the next 3 days

Lucy and Ocean doing what they do. Monty thought Ocean's name was Dolphin. 

We got to visit with Zach while he was home. He is being deployed this year, so we won't get to see him again for a while.

Okay, it has taken me three days to complete this post, and I had to upload the pictures twice. I've got to get better at this!