Tomorrow, Tomorrow... You're Only a Day Away!

Each night, as I am cuddled up with Max in the bottom bunk while Lucy is in the top bunk, which is how I have to get them to sleep because I totally failed at sleep training them as infants, I review the day- the highs, the lows, the overall success of our waking hours- and I seem to always think to myself Tomorrow I will be more patient.  Yes, tomorrow I will work on being more patient.  And rather than just stop with patience, I often add something like And tomorrow I won't let the kids eat as much sugar.  And then Tomorrow we will read books- yes, lots and lots of books.  Perhaps we will read books all day long.  Books, healthy snacks, and loads of patience!  I lie very still, because Max falls asleep faster if he thinks that I am asleep too.  So, I continue to review and make amendments to my motherly shortcomings.  There is always room for improvement, right?  As every mother does, I long for my children to have the best of all that life has to offer, which, of course, includes their mother. Tomorrow I'll curl Lucy's hair, and maybe paint her toenails, and I will be certain to tell her that she is so lovely, but not only lovely- she is kind, so very kind.  And I will play Barbies with her, and I'll play Go-Fish too.  And I will color with her, because she could use some practice coloring within the lines.  And I will let her bake with me, and I will let her crack the eggs, even though I'd rather just bake and crack eggs by myself.  And I will take Max outside and chase him until he just can't be chased any longer.  I will match his energy, sprint for sprint.! I will play cars with him and make all of the explosion and crash sounds.  And I'll teach him some songs that I seem to have forgotten to teach him, like the ABCs and Row Row Row Your Boat.  And I will take Joe on a little date, to ice cream or something.  I will give him some undivided attention, and I'll let him talk about anything, though I'll cross my fingers that he will open up about girls or peer pressures.  And I'll trust him a bit more, and I'll make sure that he feels trusted.  And I won't react with haste when he gives me attitude or is acting like a total butthead.  I'll shower him with kindness, and I'll be easy-going- and maybe, just maybe, he'll think of me as a "cool mom" instead of the anxiety-driven, micromanaging, know-it-all, stepmother that he has inherited as his primary parent! Oh, and I'll be sure to tell him that he is growing very handsome, and that he has such a nice smile, and that he is a great artist.  And I'll start teaching him how to do laundry or to cook.  Heck, maybe he and I could take a cooking class together.  Or a karate class.  Or a CPR certification class.  And I really ought to volunteer somewhere- give back, serve the less fortunate.  My kids should see me volunteer.  And I should run.  Regularly.  I should run a marathon- the kids should see me run a marathon.  And Joe, Lucy and Max would say, "Oh, my mom?  She volunteers and runs marathons."  And I'll teach the kids about the value of a dollar and about money management.  And time management.  They should do more chores around the house and learn work ethic.  They should say "thank you" to soldiers when we see them at the airport, and they should think to pray for the troubled kids at school rather than just dismiss them as "weird"...

At this point, Max is nearly asleep, Lucy is still talking to herself, and I've concluded that I am a complete failure as a mother and that my kids will surely be delinquents to society and will publicly blame THEIR MOTHER for all of their issues!  Sure, I love them with all my heart, but love can't teach the ABCs!

Today was a tough day.  "A tough day at the office."  Does this make me an over-whelmed, whiny mom?  I hope not.  I hope that it just makes me a mom- a normal mom.  At one point this evening, all three children were crying at the same time, each for a different reason.  I stood in the middle of the room, spinning from Joe to Lucy to Max, much like the spinner on the Twister game.  Joe to Lucy to Max, trying to solve each issue, all while I desperately wanted to pull up the Buzz Lightyear blanket, pretend to be asleep, and assure myself that Tomorrow I will be more patient.  Yes, tomorrow I will work on being more patient.

Gosh, I love those little stinkers, but I am so happy that they are asleep!  Devon is home from work now, so I get to spend some time with him.  Right now is my "good" of the day :)

The Rantz Report

You know what is just great? 

It is just great when these two play together. 

They have to play within my earshot so that I can ensure that one of them doesn't get too bossy (Joe) and that one of them doesn't get too whiny (Lucy), both of which happen several times while they play.  But, seriously, look how happy Lucy is to be getting Joe's attention all afternoon.  It is probably a nice break from playing with her younger brother, who often prefers to throw toys rather than play with them...

Therefore, my task during Joe/Lucy playtime is to occupy this guy-

and I fill our time with lots of snuggles and promises made, such as, "Maxy, will you always be my baby?  Always?  Promise?"  And sometimes I like to mess with him by saying, "Max, I have to tell you something important.  I'm not your mom.  Oh, and also, I don't love you."  Shocking, right?  Shocking that I find this little game amusing?  Max throws his head back in laughter like it is the funniest thing he has ever heard.  "You is my mama!  Yes you is!  You do wuv' me! You do!"  Today he tried to reverse the game.  "Mama, you know Coco (my dad, Coy)?  He not yo' dad. Nope.  He not wuv' you."  I laughed, he laughed- see?  Fun, little, twisted, messed up game.

So, I need a consequence.  Tell me how you would finish this sentence-  "____________ (fill in anonymous teenager's name here), if you don't raise your grades in science and in health by mid-term, your consequence will be______________________."  Seriously, what 'cha got for me?  Take away anonymous teenager's cell phone indefinitely?  Shave off his Bieber-esque locks?  Take away his beloved collection of Nike basketball shorts?  Ugh. 

In other news, Lucy shoved two CDs into my car stereo, and the whole thing is now jammed.  She felt so terrible.  I didn't even respond with anger- I was more like bummed and imagining how much money it might cost to fix- but she cried and asked me, "Mom, is this the worst day of your life?  Is this the worst thing that has ever happened to you?"  Well, gosh, that sure puts it all in perspective, doesn't it?  "No, dear.  This is far from the worst thing that has ever happened to me.  We are going to be just fine without CDs in the car."  She suggested that we get a new minivan- out with the old and broken, in with the new and perfect.  Ah, yes!  "Lucy, we would need a lot of money to buy a new van."  And then, as if a light bulb suddenly flashed above her head, "I know what we can do!  Lets go to Target and buy some stuff, and the Target worker will give us back money."  So sweet- she thinks that when a cashier hands back change, we are being given money.  If only life worked like that!  Maybe it should.  Lucy for President!

Did you hear who got engaged? 

Lame! 

Did you hear who is getting divorced?

Really, Heidi and Seal?  I thought it was for forever!  Perhaps celebrities should change wedding vows from "Til death do us part" to "Til we grow apart".

Did you hear who is my new favorite heart-throb?

Dear Ryan Gosling, thank you for making three movies this year.  I think you have a nice smile.  Love, Annie

And did you hear who holds my heart, like, for forever?

The end.

Happy weekend!

Snow Day(s) (Continued)

My thoughts are kinda all over the place.  Lets see if I can pull them all together. 

It has been an interesting week.

It is widely known that we get a lot of rain up here in these parts.  Lots and lots of rain.

It is a bit less well known that we don't handle snow very well.  Any amount of snow really knocks us off our stride.  Sure, we enjoy a snowfall-  we play, we take pictures, some people ski...  but the long and the short of it is that it messes us up.  School is cancelled, roads are closed, cars are abandoned, buses tip over, semi-trucks slide right off the road, tree branches break, trees fall onto homes, power is lost to the majority of the western side of the state, the Governor declares "state of emergency"...  seriously, some crazy stuff happens when it snows.

Here in our home, we lost power for one day and we couldn't move either vehicle for 3 days.  No biggie- we're fine.  Devon was able to return to work today, and it is raining again, so things will eventually return to normal.  And after a full week of cancelled school, I hope and pray that Joe will get on a school bus on Monday morning, because homeboy has cabin fever- we all do!

Anyway, last night before bed, I read about a mom who lost her son in a flood-related accident.  He was only 12, and he was gone in an instant- just gone.  Forever.  I should have stopped reading, because a mother's grief is a really tough thing to try to step into and understand.  It is a heavy weight, one that is nearly impossible to unload after you close the laptop and turn off the lights to go to bed.  Devon fell fast asleep while I kept my eyes wide open- my heart breaking for this mom- any mom- who has ever lost a child.  I imagined losing one of my own children.  Horrible idea.  I tried to be still and pray for each of my kids.  I tried to challenge myself to love them more, do more, hold them more, be more, as if any of that could ever protect them from dying and breaking my heart.  Needless to say, I didn't sleep.  Once Lucy made her way into our bedroom, as she does each night, my fear eased a tad.  I held her and kissed her and probably irritated her as she tried to sleep.  Soon after, I heard Max in the hallway, calling out, "Guys?  I wanna sweep wiff you guys!".  Ah yes, both babies in our bed felt even better (and if we'd had room for one more body, I might have tried to squeeze Joe in the bed too).  But I still couldn't sleep.  Rain was pounding on the windows, and the wind was rattling the house, and sheets of snow must have been falling from the rooftops and onto the ground, sounding an awful lot like the footsteps of a predator... 

Eventually, I must have grown weary of my worry and fear- I fell asleep in our crowded bed and awoke this morning with a new appreciation for, well, just about everything: the rain that is melting the ice so that the roads are safer and the trees branches are lighter, the electricity that warms our home, my kids, their quirks and annoyances, their heartbeats and soft skin and teenage know-it-all-isms, my husband's job.  The list goes on.

And then, this morning, I saw some Sundance pictures online.  Before I married Devon, I'd made a couple of trips to Park City, Utah, for the Sundance Film Festival.  What a blast!  Girlfriends, celebrities, hoopla- it was so much fun.  I have great memories.  Every year as the new photos are posted of this event, I relive the excitement of those trips and long for that freedom to just take off for a weekend- the way life was before my name changed to "mom".  Not because I wish that I was single or child-free, but rather just because sometimes I need a break and because sometimes I can't remember what "carefree" feels like.

But today, as I looked at those pictures of the celebs bundled up on the downtown strip of beautiful, snowy Park City, I felt pretty happy to be here- here in the rain/snow, with full electricity, with a completely empty fridge, with 3 energy-pent-up children.  Care-full feels better than carefree right now (though Taylor Swift is there this year, and it would be pretty cool to have a Taylor Swift sighting!).

So, to tie these ramblings together, I guess sometimes I need the snowstorm.  The 5 days stuck at home.  The candlelit evening without heat.  The discomfort of imagining a mother's grief.  It all has revived me somehow, and, hey, I'll take any revival I can get!

Here are some pics from our snow days:

Just for funsies, that was then-

and this is now!

Snow Day!

I've been trying to write this post for 3 days!  And here I sit again, committed to completing and publishing!

We got our first snow of the season, and we've been doing lots of bundling-up and snowball-throwing and snow-eating (Max's favorite part).  We are currently on day 4 of snow.

(pics from Day 1)

And today (and yesterday, and the day before, and the day before), I am enjoying the feeling of being "snowed in."  Our road is pretty icy- not sure if my minivan would behave.  Plus, we don't have anywhere to go.  So the kids are still in pajamas, we are watching Cars for the 12,736th time, and the floors are covered in toys.  If only Dev was home to be snowed in with us (today he is home!)...  and if only I could stop eating Lucy's birthday cake (the rest of the cake has been put in the freezer, ready for my next sugar binge)...

I have a new best friend.  Her name is BFF.  I know that I am a late arrival to the era of the smartphone, but just before Christmas I got a Droid Incredible 2 for FREE! at Best Buy with a 2-year renewal to my Verizon contract, and It. Is. Amazing.  I really had no idea how a phone could be so much more than just a phone!  It is a computer in my pocket, and I've noticed that I use my laptop less now that I can read emails and Facebook on my BFF.  Plus, there is Words With Friends, which has totally enhanced my life. :)

Let's talk about The Bachelor.  Who's watching?  There are a couple of girls that I really like, namely Kacie B. and Emily, but there is one who just has to go home.  Like, immediately.  Courtney, the model.  Ugh!  She is totally evil, and poor Ben is twitterpated and blinded by her model-features.  And if you didn't watch the rose ceremony Monday night, it just might have been the most dramatic rose ceremony ever.  I can't quit this show.  It sucks me in every time.

Lucy is sitting beside me right now, and she asked, "Mom, what are you writing on those pictures?" so I told her, and then she asked, "How can she be sour when she is so beautiful?"  Oh dear.  Then she asked, "Is she sour to everyone or just to you?"  followed by, "Well, if you don't know her then why are you writing about her?"  Okay, moving on...

There is a blog that I just started following, and I love this mama's writing.  She is honest and funny, and I have even learned a thing or two from her already.  The blog is Momastery, and I urge you to check her out, especially if you are a blog-aficionado like myself.  I love the post titled "Don't Carpe Diem" and you really just have to read it to take it all in, but in short, it is about the pressure of trying to capture every single moment that we have with our children, since time moves so fast and they grow so quickly. 

There, I finished this post.  That wasn't so hard!

Five!

5 years ago my baby girl was born.

5 years ago I became a mama.

And though it is becoming an annual tradition for me to lament about how sad I feel on Lucy's birthday because time is passing too quickly and my baby is growing too big, I think I'll mix it up this year and just focus on the lovely lady who is now a "whole hand"- that's right, 5 full fingers.

The birthday extravaganza began on Friday at Lucy's school.  She was the Little Miracle and got to wear a special birthday crown.  And she also got to bring a special sugary treat- strawberry, marshmallow, donut-hole kabobs!

For her party this year, I decided to go easy on myself and keep it small and simple. 

We invited three of Lucy's closest friends to come over for a Barbie themed party, and Lucy requested that they all dress in formal dress-up attire.

My mom was here visiting this week, and she was a big help in the party-planning.

And Aunt Merry made a masterpiece of a birthday cake.  Seriously, it was a work of art- the photos don't quite do it justice.  And it was yummy too!

And we did some finger-nail painting.

And Lucy opened gifts,

while the rest of us politely watched,

except for Max, who was all up in Lucy's personal space, trying to help her unwrap the gifts and trying to get his hands on all of Lucy's loot.  Finally Lucy made it clear, "Max! I don't need your help!" And with that, Max swung his arm and landed his hand open-palm right across Lucy's cheek.  It was like a scene from a movie- the open-palmed face slap, with the perfect slap sound.  The room was silent.  If you've ever parented in front of a crowd, you know that it isn't an ideal situation.  I wasn't sure what to do- remove Max from the room and discipline him, or give Lucy a big hug and make sure that she is okay.  So I just grabbed both kids, told Max that he was in trouble, and then said, "Oh, how I wish I'd caught that on video!"  It was so appalling and awkward that it would have made for great home-video footage so that years from now we could watch it and say Remember when Max slapped Lucy across the face on her 5th birthday while she was opening her gifts?

Once everyone recovered from the face-slap incident, we ate some lunch and cut into Barbie's gown.

The birthday girl had a great day, surrounded by some of her favorite people.

And she enjoyed all of her gifts, and even shared them with her brothers.

And once daddy came home from work, Lucy's fabulous day was complete!









Happy for a New Year

Happy New Year (eight days late)!!

So, I've been trying to avoid writing a year-end wrap-up post.  I'm not sure that there is much left to say about 2011.  It was a tough one.  I'm glad it is over!  I'm more ready than ever before to put a year in the past and move on!

Not that there wasn't plenty of notable goodness in the past 12 months, such as (in no particular order) my weekend getaway to San Diego with a couple of my favorite girls, and Kelly and Bryan's wedding, and our 6th wedding anniversary, and our family photo session with 7of June, and our summer adventures with Katie and her boys, and all of our time spent at Merry's...  just to name a few.  We have plenty of good memories from 2011, and as I scan the archives of this blog, I realize how grateful I am for this medium used to document our lives.  As I've confessed before, I never, ever print photos and put them in photo albums.  And I've completely failed at creating baby books or any kind of scrapbook to record any baby milestones, etc.  However, I've got this blog.  So I've just decided that my goal for the new year is to continue writing, even when I don't have anything to write about and even when my photos are fuzzy.

Over the past week, I've found myself thinking I should exercise, I should post a blog, I should go to church, I should grocery shop.  I should brush my hair and change out of my pajamas.  Where is my motivational kick in the buns that usually accompanies a new year??  Maybe my motivation took a week off, and tomorrow is a new start.  Should will be shall. 

There is a quote that I've been wanting to share, but I haven't been sure how to tie it in with a topic.  I guess it relates to heartbreak-  heartbreak of any variation.  In 2011, our hearts were broken a bit over what we thought was "Our Plan".  We all make plans for our lives, right?  We have a big picture idea of what our lives look like and where we are heading- a trajectory path to follow.  Our Plan became "Plan B".  And then "Plan C".  And next onto "Plan D".  And you can guess where I'm going with this; we are learning to not place our hopes on our plans but rather to seek God's will for our lives, to not dwell on our idea of what might have been, and to be so grateful for the lessons we learn.  The easy lessons as well as the difficult lessons, but especially the difficult ones, I suppose.  And 2011 was full of lessons, and I have a feeling that 2012 is going to take us to school too!

Anyway, here is the quote that caught my attention-

"While it's often fashionable to dwell upon what might have been, what's usually overlooked is that really and truly, it couldn't have. Because, invariably, any romanticized versions of how things "might have been," are based upon fictionalized versions of the past. Most of the time when people think the present could have been different than it is, it's because they think the past was different than it was. Happily, the future can still be anything, when you surrender to the details." ~The Universe

Who is this Universe character anyway?  (No, seriously, I don't know where this quote came from.)

With that, cheers to a happy New Year, to more blogging, to motivation, and to Plan D!