Dear Max,
I've got something to confess to you.
Two years ago, when your dad, Lucy, and I went to get an ultrasound to see you and all of your little parts inside of my belly, I had hoped that I was going to be told that you were a girl. Your name was going to be Audrey, and you would use Lucy's crib bedding and you would wear Lucy's baby clothes that I'd saved for you.
I know, this is bad news.
You see, I thought that I felt neutral regarding your gender. I told everyone that while I had desperately hoped for a girl when I was pregnant with Lucy, it felt quite nice to truly not have a preference of gender this time around. And I really did feel that way- neutral- until I was told that you were a boy. The slight twinge of disappointment at the news of a boy exposed the surprising truth- that I was, in fact, hoping for another girl.
Please be assured that the disappointment did not last long, and of course you know that I have been crazy about you since the moment that I first laid eyes on your tiny, slimy, blue body and heard your first scream which inspired a witty nurse to exclaim, "Mad Max!"
But while pregnant, I must have subconsciously thought that a girl would be easier, since I am a girl, and since I already had Lucy and was enveloped in Baby Girl World.
And lets face it- girl clothes are way cuter than boy clothes.
Yet, it wasn't as if boys were foreign to me. I was already raising Joe, and I grew up with two brothers, and I'm married to a grown boy, so I had a pretty good grasp on all things boy related.
Well, no matter the reason for my slight disappoint on that day of the ultrasound, and I repeat slight, I'm writing this to tell you now that Dude, I was wrong.
I cannot imagine a world without my little boy.
I an enamored by your deep little voice, your snorts, and your gruff mannerisms. I love watching you play with Buzz and Woody and make sound effects that only a boy would make, like pshhoooo and vvvrrrooosh and pschaaaa. When you pick up one of Joe's swords, you automatically take a sword fighting stance, as if you know anything about sword fighting! All trucks catch your attention. You think that burps are funny. You think that tackling someone is a way of showing affection (which can be quite embarrassing- sorry again, Niccole, for the several times that Max tackled your tiny Logann!). You are wild, my child; you climb on everything. You escaped from Stroller Strides today and I caught up to you in the parking lot. And then you escaped from the Carters store and I found you sitting on the carousel outside. You scared the poo out of me! The Carters employee said, "I had four girls and then one boy, and I don't know how anyone has more than one boy- boys are hard work."
It is true- boys are so different than girls, and I've got to say that I am delighted by your boyness.
You are driving me insane, but you also delight me.
I regret that I ever hoped- even if only subconsciously- that you'd be a girl.
Please forgive me, Bubs. I didn't know.
I am so glad that you are you.
And boy clothes can actually be pretty cute (but still not as cute as girl clothes).
Love,
mama
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you and your buddy Lola  |
6 comments:
Logann has long since forgotten the love tackles...NO WORRIES!! He's ALL boy and I'm loving it;)
I totally felt the same way when we found out that Liam was a boy! And I completely agree--I can't imagine life without him. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only mama who was secretly hoping for a girl again. :)
BTW--we need to make a date! :)
Now I want a boy!
What a super sweet tribute to Bubs. I think he will appreciate it when he finally can read and takes a break from destructo-land to appreciate all your lovin'
OH YAY! I get to have one in a matter of weeks!!!! He really is your bubs and I knew you were going to love being a Mom to a boy!!! This is the sweetest letter to your baby boy! I went through something similar too even though I didn't have a preference this time around, I had decided that it was another girl because there had been two in a row :). So I had saved every little thing of Maysyn's and planned to have the new baby girl the same time of year so she could wear everything, I even named the baby girl. So the baby boy took me by surprise and took me only a few beats to be excited about there was that moment of really??? Anyway, I can't wait and I will love sharing that experience with you! Bring on the superheroes, undie boys, and noises! But, it is so true that the clothing situation is bleak. Maybe we need to start a boys clothing co. :)
Oh Annie! I totally get it! While I don't know what it is like to live in a world of pink in my house, BUT I do know what a sweet thing it is to have the love of a little boy! It amazes me everyday how his "boyness" comes out-like the noises, the sneakiness, the grossness, the mischief, and best of his adoration for his mama! I love this post!
I so love lil Bubs, I can't imagine life without him, either. And I get it 'cause when I heard you were expecting another I thought, oh, how fun it would be to have another little girl, since I have so many grandsons. But they are all older now and it is soooo much fun to have a little boy in the family. And he is sooo fun to watch and play with. You have a perfect family and they are lucky to have you!
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