13

Tomorrow is Lucy's 13th birthday, and tonight I'm feeling nostalgic about the night that I was laboring in the hospital, waiting to see my girl's little face. 

How quickly the years are passing. How I long to go back and hold her tiny hand, or put bows in her hair and dress her in sparkly skirts and leggings, or bring home toys that would make her smile. 

Life is different at 13. I don't really get to hold her hand (which isn't so tiny anymore), but she still needs me to do her hair, and the skirts and leggings have been replaced with high waisted jeans and hoodies, and the toys have all been packed away, but I can find new ways to make her smile. 

I remember that I bought a birthday card on Lucy's 1st birthday, with the intention of expressing all my love with words that she would read years later. That card sat empty blank for a long time. I just couldn't even attempt to put into words how I felt about this little lady and what it meant to me to be her mama. I finally wrote those very words in the card, something like, "I cannot put into words how much you are loved by me..." and I stored the card in her special box of keepsakes. Hmmm, my intentions were good but my end result was lacking. 

So maybe I can do better now, now that I have 13 years of butt-kicking motherhood under my belt.

Lucy, the day that you were born was truly the best day of my life. Meeting you was the fulfillment of my life's hopes and dreams. And there you were, with a round face and a dimpled chin, looking up at me, giving me the honor of being your mom. 

You are delightful and you always have been. You make people smile. You are optimistic (even though your humor is a bit on the dark side these days), you are encouraging, you are brave, you are sensitive, you are wise in your choices, and you are loving. You make me so proud. I love who you are and I love who you are becoming. 

I love hearing you sing, I love watching you dance, I love your silliness, I love your creativity, and I love your zest for life. 

In your lifetime, you have already experienced great loss, and yet you have not let it harden you. You inspire me with your hope. 

When we moved from Washington, I was so afraid to take you away from all that you'd ever known, but you were so resilient and you made new friends with ease.

You are a loved by your brothers, more than you will ever know.

And you are loved, deep down into your bones, by me and your dad. 

It truly is an honor that you call me mom. 

Happy birthday Lucy. I hope that 13 is all that you wish for and more.