Tomorrow, Tomorrow... You're Only a Day Away!

Each night, as I am cuddled up with Max in the bottom bunk while Lucy is in the top bunk, which is how I have to get them to sleep because I totally failed at sleep training them as infants, I review the day- the highs, the lows, the overall success of our waking hours- and I seem to always think to myself Tomorrow I will be more patient.  Yes, tomorrow I will work on being more patient.  And rather than just stop with patience, I often add something like And tomorrow I won't let the kids eat as much sugar.  And then Tomorrow we will read books- yes, lots and lots of books.  Perhaps we will read books all day long.  Books, healthy snacks, and loads of patience!  I lie very still, because Max falls asleep faster if he thinks that I am asleep too.  So, I continue to review and make amendments to my motherly shortcomings.  There is always room for improvement, right?  As every mother does, I long for my children to have the best of all that life has to offer, which, of course, includes their mother. Tomorrow I'll curl Lucy's hair, and maybe paint her toenails, and I will be certain to tell her that she is so lovely, but not only lovely- she is kind, so very kind.  And I will play Barbies with her, and I'll play Go-Fish too.  And I will color with her, because she could use some practice coloring within the lines.  And I will let her bake with me, and I will let her crack the eggs, even though I'd rather just bake and crack eggs by myself.  And I will take Max outside and chase him until he just can't be chased any longer.  I will match his energy, sprint for sprint.! I will play cars with him and make all of the explosion and crash sounds.  And I'll teach him some songs that I seem to have forgotten to teach him, like the ABCs and Row Row Row Your Boat.  And I will take Joe on a little date, to ice cream or something.  I will give him some undivided attention, and I'll let him talk about anything, though I'll cross my fingers that he will open up about girls or peer pressures.  And I'll trust him a bit more, and I'll make sure that he feels trusted.  And I won't react with haste when he gives me attitude or is acting like a total butthead.  I'll shower him with kindness, and I'll be easy-going- and maybe, just maybe, he'll think of me as a "cool mom" instead of the anxiety-driven, micromanaging, know-it-all, stepmother that he has inherited as his primary parent! Oh, and I'll be sure to tell him that he is growing very handsome, and that he has such a nice smile, and that he is a great artist.  And I'll start teaching him how to do laundry or to cook.  Heck, maybe he and I could take a cooking class together.  Or a karate class.  Or a CPR certification class.  And I really ought to volunteer somewhere- give back, serve the less fortunate.  My kids should see me volunteer.  And I should run.  Regularly.  I should run a marathon- the kids should see me run a marathon.  And Joe, Lucy and Max would say, "Oh, my mom?  She volunteers and runs marathons."  And I'll teach the kids about the value of a dollar and about money management.  And time management.  They should do more chores around the house and learn work ethic.  They should say "thank you" to soldiers when we see them at the airport, and they should think to pray for the troubled kids at school rather than just dismiss them as "weird"...

At this point, Max is nearly asleep, Lucy is still talking to herself, and I've concluded that I am a complete failure as a mother and that my kids will surely be delinquents to society and will publicly blame THEIR MOTHER for all of their issues!  Sure, I love them with all my heart, but love can't teach the ABCs!

Today was a tough day.  "A tough day at the office."  Does this make me an over-whelmed, whiny mom?  I hope not.  I hope that it just makes me a mom- a normal mom.  At one point this evening, all three children were crying at the same time, each for a different reason.  I stood in the middle of the room, spinning from Joe to Lucy to Max, much like the spinner on the Twister game.  Joe to Lucy to Max, trying to solve each issue, all while I desperately wanted to pull up the Buzz Lightyear blanket, pretend to be asleep, and assure myself that Tomorrow I will be more patient.  Yes, tomorrow I will work on being more patient.

Gosh, I love those little stinkers, but I am so happy that they are asleep!  Devon is home from work now, so I get to spend some time with him.  Right now is my "good" of the day :)