The Rantz Report

You know what is just great? 

It is just great when these two play together. 

They have to play within my earshot so that I can ensure that one of them doesn't get too bossy (Joe) and that one of them doesn't get too whiny (Lucy), both of which happen several times while they play.  But, seriously, look how happy Lucy is to be getting Joe's attention all afternoon.  It is probably a nice break from playing with her younger brother, who often prefers to throw toys rather than play with them...

Therefore, my task during Joe/Lucy playtime is to occupy this guy-

and I fill our time with lots of snuggles and promises made, such as, "Maxy, will you always be my baby?  Always?  Promise?"  And sometimes I like to mess with him by saying, "Max, I have to tell you something important.  I'm not your mom.  Oh, and also, I don't love you."  Shocking, right?  Shocking that I find this little game amusing?  Max throws his head back in laughter like it is the funniest thing he has ever heard.  "You is my mama!  Yes you is!  You do wuv' me! You do!"  Today he tried to reverse the game.  "Mama, you know Coco (my dad, Coy)?  He not yo' dad. Nope.  He not wuv' you."  I laughed, he laughed- see?  Fun, little, twisted, messed up game.

So, I need a consequence.  Tell me how you would finish this sentence-  "____________ (fill in anonymous teenager's name here), if you don't raise your grades in science and in health by mid-term, your consequence will be______________________."  Seriously, what 'cha got for me?  Take away anonymous teenager's cell phone indefinitely?  Shave off his Bieber-esque locks?  Take away his beloved collection of Nike basketball shorts?  Ugh. 

In other news, Lucy shoved two CDs into my car stereo, and the whole thing is now jammed.  She felt so terrible.  I didn't even respond with anger- I was more like bummed and imagining how much money it might cost to fix- but she cried and asked me, "Mom, is this the worst day of your life?  Is this the worst thing that has ever happened to you?"  Well, gosh, that sure puts it all in perspective, doesn't it?  "No, dear.  This is far from the worst thing that has ever happened to me.  We are going to be just fine without CDs in the car."  She suggested that we get a new minivan- out with the old and broken, in with the new and perfect.  Ah, yes!  "Lucy, we would need a lot of money to buy a new van."  And then, as if a light bulb suddenly flashed above her head, "I know what we can do!  Lets go to Target and buy some stuff, and the Target worker will give us back money."  So sweet- she thinks that when a cashier hands back change, we are being given money.  If only life worked like that!  Maybe it should.  Lucy for President!

Did you hear who got engaged? 

Lame! 

Did you hear who is getting divorced?

Really, Heidi and Seal?  I thought it was for forever!  Perhaps celebrities should change wedding vows from "Til death do us part" to "Til we grow apart".

Did you hear who is my new favorite heart-throb?

Dear Ryan Gosling, thank you for making three movies this year.  I think you have a nice smile.  Love, Annie

And did you hear who holds my heart, like, for forever?

The end.

Happy weekend!