The following blog might be an over-share :)
So, it all started when I woke up this morning and found that there was blood in my ear. Just a tiny, tiny bit of blood, but it was coming from my inner ear, so, of course, I Googled "blood in ear" to find a diagnosis, and things weren't looking good for me according to Dr. World Wide Web. I decided to call my doctor- the one that I've only seen once, two years ago- and made an appointment for later in the afternoon.
Okay, I have to admit that I was especially freaked out about the blood in the ear because someone who worked at Devon's company died of a brain aneurysm two weeks ago, and Devon mentioned that he was bleeding from the ear. Brain aneurysms are so scary (for obvious reasons), and I always wonder if people who have them have symptoms of headaches. I get a headache every single day! Call me paranoid, but I've got children to raise- I can't die yet!
By 9am, I was pretty certain that my condition was terminal. I was trying not to be dramatic about it, but when the front tire of my stroller went flat during the first 5 minutes of Stroller Strides, directly in front of a park, I won't deny that I thought God might be telling me to spend some time at the park with Lucy because, after all, I don't have much time left!
The kids and I made it to the doctor appointment, and the doctor checked my ear and saw absolutely no sign of blood. She asked if I felt any discomfort in my sinuses or my throat, and I said no but that I do get headaches everyday. I told her that I assume that my headaches are due to my neck aches, and my neck aches are probably due to multi-tasking while holding and/or nursing my 17+ pound baby.
So, the rest of the appointment went like this:
Doctor: Well, the headaches could also be due to stress. Do you feel stress?
Me: Yeah, occasionally. But I feel a ton of anxiety. Like, everyday I feel anxiety.
Doctor: I am going to give you a prescription to help with anxiety. Take it for a week, and call me if it doesn't help and we can increase the dose.
Me: How will I know if it is helping?
Doctor: Your should feel better and your mood will be better.
Me: MY MOOD WILL BE BETTER??? Oh, my husband will be able to tell me if it is working!!!
Did you catch that? I went to the doctor because of some phantom blood in my ear, and I left with a prescription for CHILL-PILLS!
Here are some of the thoughts running through my head--
What if I don't really need anti-anxiety meds? What if I am just exhausted because I have 3 kids, one of which is currently misdirecting his biological-mother-is-absent anger toward little 'ole innocent ME!
What if I just need a really good nap?
What if I like these meds? At what point do I stop taking them?
The side effects may include anxiety (WTH?), constipation, decreased sexual desire, tiredness, trouble sleeping, vomiting... what if I become even MORE anxious? What if I become a sexless puker who can't sleep or poop?????
Maybe I'm making a big deal out of something that really isn't that big of a deal. If it was so easy for me to obtain the prescription, perhaps the doctor sees many post-partum women who struggle with anxiety.
Maybe my mood really will be better.
Maybe I will actually feel less anxiety.
Hmmmm......
The jury is still out on this one. Thoughts?
8 comments:
Annie...I can't lie...I'm concerned too for you. The blood in the ear is a little (ok alot) freaky, and I'm glad that you went to the doctor immediatly - good girl. And I'm really glad that she didn't see the need to freak out...always a good sign.
The headaches everyday? I am totally there with you.
I'm weary of the meds - I always have been. Like the pain medicine I'm on right now, I've got serious concerns that I'll get addicted...stupid I know, but it happens to millions right?
I don't know if you have ever considered acupuncture, but it seriously has helped me get through some major stuff. When my sciatic nerve was crazy painful after having Elsie, it was the only thing that helped. I've gone for my headaches and it's helped. I've gone for my constantly stiff neck and shoulders and it's helped.
If anything, it's an hour of time that I basically fall asleep and truely relax. It doesn't hurt, I promise, and it's not like weird voo-doo stuff.
I think you should really check it out. I don't think it has weird side effects like the potential of becoming a sexless puker who can't sleep or poop (seriously, I laughed out loud! you're so funny!)
I think you should really take some time to focus on you and what will make you feel better. I don't want you to spin into a crazy spiral and not love who you are.
My first thought is your are nursing and is it okay for Maxy poo. Sorry, Lover Boy. I sure don't want you to be more tired and take on all those other nasty side effects but the side effects don't always affect everyone. I guess you will see in a few days how it is going. I could have come over to look after the kids while you went. I wish I lived closer.
Oh Annie! This post couldn't be more perfect! Definitely NOT an overshare by the way! It's all totally legitimate.
Okay, where do I begin? Headaches. Check. I too have them pretty much every day and I even go to the chiropractor once a week. On Friday I discussed the very same issue with her including my chronic neck tension and she recommended getting massages. She said it does wonders for her. I however have a really hard time "pampering" myself and paying for it too so I'm not sure yet what I'll do! She went into this whole medical babble of why massages are so good for you. She also asked if I drank enough water (which I don't) and proceeded to go into the reasons why water is so crucial. But there is nothing like physical discomfort to mess with one's quality of life so I think it really doesn't help out with your anxiety issues too. And we are so young to be in pain too- what the heck?! But motherhood is definitely not easy on the body with toting our little ones around so I can only be optimistic that it will get better when they are older, right? Right??!!
So on to medications. After a bad car accident when I was 15 years old I went on anti-depressants to help me out with my anxiety from the trauma of what happened. My honest opinion is that it is a slippery slope. It fogged my brain which didn't allow me to actually deal with the issues I had, instead just put a bandaide on it. Then my body would get used to the dose and the doctor would just keep upping the dose which can't be a good thing. So it's totally a personal decision obviously but I didn't like them for me.
I do think that we mamas try to do too much and with three kiddies I can only imagine! I don't have an answer on that one though because I have yet to even let my mom babysit Hanna...but I must, soon!!
Big hugs to you Annie! And just how do you manage to address such a topic and make me laugh all at the same time?! You sooo witty! :)
Annie! How can I leave a short comment? Well, because it's almost 9 and you know how my comments can get after I get giddy! I will be back in the a.m. to properly comment! :)))
Great input, ladies, and Niccole, I am so happy to see that you are a blogger too!!!!!
So, I haven't decided yet whether to take the meds or not. The dr. spent a lot of time talking with me about breastfeeding while taking the meds, and she also gave me some printed info. Looks like it would be okay, especially with the low dosage that I was prescribed. She didn't suggest that I talk to anyone else about anxiety.
I think that my combination of being a worrier and being exhausted and all of the hormone changes after pregnancy have resulted in the way that I feel, but just to clarify, I am not depressed, whatsoever!! Just anxious.
I do need to go to the chiropractor more often. I'm sure that it would help with the neck/headaches. And I am totally open to acupuncture.
It just found it odd that I went into the appt. for my ear and came out with something for anxiety! I told Devon that maybe it was Max trying to nurse through my shirt and Lucy hanging from my leg that made the doctor think that I need drugs!
Okay, how much do you think I would have freaked out if I thought blood was coming out of my ear?! :) Annie, I think I would have needed an iv drip of anti-anxiety meds :)!
I think you have the perfect perspective! Being cautious about medication is ALWAYS a good thing! You definitely have a recipe for some anxiety with 3 kids and 2 under 3. Don't think that you are alone there! I think your comprehensive approach (like that ?:)) of exploring all your options is a great plan! If the small dose helps you feel better then maybe you should give it a try along with trying out some other things! The chirpractor has been close to curing my headaches lately! I highly recommend!
Oh Annie, I am with Sadina on this one...YOU SOOOO FUNNY!!!!
P.S. My prescription is a ticket to California for some friend, sun, and shopping therapy!!!
Hey, you know what I think? Let's give the kiddos over for a WEEKEND! Doesn't that sound FANTASTIC!!! We could sleep in and stay up late (or go to bed early). Maybe we could kick my mom out of her house in OR (her coming to help out with my kids of course) and have a weekend FREE at the beach. Oh it gets better as I type. I realize you have Max, but maybe sooner than later.
About the drugs, you know A. has been on them for 3+ years now, and they have helped him, but he was in a critical situation. Drugs scare me and hey that's why I try natural remedies when I can. St. John's Wort seems to be helping, although I've only just started that. I also just read an article about acupuncture that A. pointed out to me (it was about sex drive and I LOVE IT when my honey points out my issues by pointng to an article). Seriously though, I think that it could help with a lot of things, it just makes sense to me. I'm pondering trying it.
It seems wierd that your Dr. didn't say to talk to anyone, and just to have the drugs. Are they just trying to get money for giving you drugs? A.'s Dr. wanted him to see someone, but he didn't want to.
Well, just think about all your options and hopefully you'll know what is right for you.
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